This weeks edition of The Daily Fail was inspired by a recent visit to a local art gallery.
I am by no means financially stable enough to afford any of the art work, but I do enjoy the odd browse, staring wistfully at paintings that I might buy in an alternate universe where I have enough money I could bath in it, but I digress.
I present to you: ‘Local Idiot Found Lost In Gallery‘.
Int. Local Art Gallery – DAY
Socially awkward blog owner enters the art gallery, hoping she doesn’t look as out of place as she feels. She meets the eyes of an employee sat behind a desk nearby.
“Am I okay just to browse?” She finds herself asking, shifting her ‘I Bloody Love Books’ bag (which I should now state was a gift) feeling more and more self conscious as the seconds go by.
“Of course!” The employee replies, smiling, eyes returning back to the computer screen in front of her.
With her boots squeaking incongruously on the wooden floor beneath her, the blog owner makes her way around the gallery, stopping in front of a set of paintings in particular that she enjoys.
A different employee is suddenly beside her.
“Are you looking for anything in particular?” She tries not to startle before meeting the gaze of the employee.
“No, not really. I came in a few months ago and saw these paintings and were hoping they’d still be here.”
A conversation ensues about the artist which eventually results in the employee to ask if she’d seen the paintings under different lighting. The socially awkward blog owner shakes her head, and watches him pick up the expensive painting and carry it over to a section of the gallery where there are spotlights directed at the wall.
After hanging up the painting in the empty spot on the wall, he proceeds to dim and brighten the lights, explaining how the painting changes depending on the lighting.
He then asks if the blog owner had seen all of the other paintings in the collection to which she replies she hasn’t, and follows him as he leads her over to a large computer screen.
The employee loads up the gallery’s website and proceeds to talk her through pages of artwork, pointing out which ones are low stock, those that are on offer, and the blog owner begins to worry he’s spending all this time with her in hope of selling her something.
It would seem that her scruffy exterior, book bag and squeaky boots didn’t give her away.
Her worst fears are confirmed when his conversation takes a turn.
“Do you have a lot of artwork at home?” He asks. The socially awkward blog owner thinks of the array of posters she has at home, and thinks that they’re not quite what he was referring to.
“Unfortunately not. I still live at home…”
Perhaps she imagines it, but the blog owner is convinced the employee looks crestfallen.
“…with my mum.” She can almost hear a shovel digging into the ground beneath her, and smell the growing pile of dirt beside her.
The socially awkward, non-artwork owning, blog owner feels her embarrassment begin to creep up her back, feeling the evidence of it now on her cheeks.
“Well… I’d better go now.” Her boots squeak again, as if the whole situation hasn’t been mortifying enough, and with that she makes her hasty exit, no doubt leaving behind a very confused/bemused gallery employee.
Well, it’s safe to say I won’t be going in there again any time soon.
The man was so polite and helpful, I wish I’d actually had money to spend in there after all the effort he went through talking to me.
I don’t think the commission from a painting would have been enough compensation for putting up with my attempts at conversation.
Please try and make me feel better by giving me examples of times when you’ve made a not-so-hasty exit?
Disclaimer: All characters within the story do exist in real life. I do realise the ‘blog owner’ character sounds like a parody of a human being, but she is unfortunately based upon myself.